Target, my wallet hates you.


I know I usually just share recipes on here with random tidbits of life, but my morning has been so ridiculous, I felt it only necessary to share.

I get to work this morning, get out of my car and notice that my ass feels a bit cold. I figure its just because its 26 degrees outside. I come into the office, sit down and then notice that my ass is still cold. On my warm chair. Only then do I realize that one of my favorite pairs of jeans has a 4 inch long rip from the top of the pocket to the bottom and my lovely white ass is hanging out.

I start thinking. I'm 35 minutes from home. I have to start answering the phones at 8 AM. Its 7:45 AM. There's no possible way I can get home and back to grab another pair of jeans in time. Then I remember that my lovely husband was awake this morning when I left for work. I call him, explain my tale, listen to him laugh for a few minutes and finally bribe him with his favorite food in order for him to bring me a new pair of jeans. Success!

Now I only have to wear my sweater around my waist a la 1990's for about an hour. Ten minutes later, my lovely husband calls me and says 'So I'd bring you the jeans if I hadn't left the GPS on in my car. My battery is dead.' At this point, what can I do but laugh? Half my ass is hanging out and there is no one to save me.

I debated just wearing the sweater around my waist for the rest of the day and limiting myself to not leaving my desk. But then I realized I had checks I needed to take to the bank, I didn't have a full lunch with me, and while these things could be easily delegated to coworkers, it would involve me having cash, which I also didn't have.

So I convince one of the guys in the warehouse to answer the phones while I run to the wonderful world of Target to get a pair of jeans. I have the absolute hardest time ever finding jeans. Usually it takes an entire mall and a couple of hours before I find a pair or two that fit. But today, I have less than an hour and one store I can go to. Crossing my fingers that my bad luck streak has passed, I make a mad dash for Target.

Where I find the last pair of jeans in my size. They don't fit perfectly, they're a bit baggy in the thighs and they come up to high on my waist, but they're $24 and my only other option is sweatpants. But of course, there is some universal law that you absolutely can not go to Target and pick up one item. There's like a $100 minimum on the store. The logical part of my brain is saying "just walk right over there. Right to that empty cash register." And the evil Target store is luring me in different directions. "You need a new pad for that mop." "Don't you want to see if they have a better styling cream for your hair?" "Hey, why don't you come look at the nail polish. I bet we have that color you're looking for."

And damn it if I didn't give in. One pair of replacement jeans, a new pad for the nifty Freedom mop, nail polish I've been looking for forever, a new make up brush, razor cartridges, and a new shampoo later, I finally make it to the register, which now of course, has a line full of people. And as I stand there waiting, I notice that the drink containers have Throwback Pepsi. Which given my morning is a completely justifiable purchase.

Then I damn near have a heart attack as the man rings up my purchases. $107. Once again, the evil powers of Target have convinced me to purchase more than the one item I came there for.

So now, at nearly 10 AM, with a Throwback Pepsi and my ass properly covered, I'm making a second attempt at starting my day.

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