Saturday, April 28, 2012

Saturdays with Nichole: Silly Cooking Confessions (Week 5)

Confession: I am an incredibly squeamish cook. Mostly because I am an incredibly squeamish person.
  
I don't do blood. Even in small amounts. Lets put it this way, I once passed out when changing my earrings after a new piercing because there was blood on the earring post. And we're not talking a lot of blood by any means. We're talking a few drops.

Any amount of blood and down goes Nichole. 

I fully accept that if I were in any type of real life Hunger Games or in a real post-apocalyptic world, I'd be one of the first people to die. I couldn't kill any animal if it handled me a gun, wore a target and stood directly in front of me. HG Reference: I'd be all over the nightlock berries in a heartbeat. 

I also can't handle pretty much anything that is considered gross. Or that I have deemed gross. Cutting off chicken fat on raw chicken makes me shudder. The juices that chicken or any meat is packed in also makes me shudder. Fishy smell = shudder.

This makes for some interesting times while preparing dinner or packaging up food to be frozen. So I decided to share with you my silly cooking confessions from least to most ridiculous. 

Veal: But it's just an iddle-widdle baby cow! Adult cow - I'm okay with it. Well, kinda, but we'll get to that later. My stomach honestly flips over at the thought of eating veal. Yes, I realize this limits a few recipes from my list of things to try, but I'm more than 100% okay with that. Eating babies is wrong! 
Lamb: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow. This is what happens in my head every time I see or hear of someone eating lamb. It's always in a sad pitiful voice. The thought of eating lamb has completely grossed me out for years. I tried it once and I just couldn't get past two bites before Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb was honestly drowning out all other sounds around me. I have agreed to, however, try it again in the form of a burger to please Tom. We'll see how that goes. 
 via publicdomainpictures.net

Fish: I only like a few different types of fish as it is, but if any of them ever came to me (cooked or not) with their head still attached, I'd lose the contents of my stomach. Yes, I completely understand that obviously fish come with a head and eyes but I absolutely refuse to ever see them that way. The fish I eat comes in nicely prepared filets okay?! 

Lobster: I do like lobster and I will eat it. I just refuse to kill it first. My food or future food does not need to come to me while it is still alive (I have one exception, kind of). I like dead food. It's nicer that way. The though of stabbing/cutting/whatever the hell it is that you do to kill a lobster before cooking it, is just not okay in my book. I'm not lying, I'm involuntarily shuddering just while typing this because I hear the noise in my head. I can't even watch it on television. 
 via eastcoastgourmet.com

Crab: The kind of exception. Look, I'm from Maryland. Old Bay seasoning runs through our veins and steamed crabs are a staple dish of summer. I've ate crab as long as I can remember, but I have some requirements first. (1): I prefer to purchase them already steamed. I do realize this increases the price, but like Mr. Lobster above, I just can not bring myself to put a live crab into a pot of boiling water. Its wrong! However, I can watch others do it. Something about being slightly removed from the situation makes it okay. And (2): It can't be looking at me. Stop laughing. I'm serious! While I'm completely okay with ripping the shell off the crab and pulling off his legs (because he's already dead!), I can't handle eating steamed crabs if its looking at me. I have to turn them around first. And somewhat related, a softshell crab honestly makes me kind of nauseous. It's a crab that MOLTED! Blech! 
 via marylandmeals.com

Shrimp: Lets put it this way, Mr. Shrimp better never show up to me with his head on. It's bad enough they look like bugs to begin with but good lord the last thing I need to do is ever see the face of the 'bug' I'm about to eat! Ironically though, since fresh shrimp typically don't come de-veined, I can handle that. I'm not going to lie to you, its completely disgusting to devein a shrimp (or to eat one with the vein intact), but I am okay with doing this for some reason. And by okay, I mean I can actually do it without gagging. Not that I find it a pleasant experience at all. 

Turkey: I have a hard time preparing a turkey on Thanksgiving. I understand people use the parts that come in bags which will not be named for other things but dude, thats just gross. I'm all for using all parts of an animal (pink slime aside) but they need to sell turkeys without the extra parts. Its hard enough for me to reach into those cavities to add herbs and fruits and you seriously think I want to pull a bag of assorted innards out of there? HELL NO!  
 via turkeyoff.com

And the most embarrassing: CHICKEN: I have multiple issues with Mr. Chicken. Lets start with the breast. First off, for the love of God chicken processing companies will you please stop pumping the chickens full of hormones? I don't need a 9 inch long and 5 inch wide chicken breast. It's just not natural! Second, the bloody vein in the chicken breast...that's just gross. I have to disfigure my chicken breasts all of the time because it grosses me out so badly. And generally, just the slimy feeling of chicken breast makes me slightly squeamish. 

And finally: ROTISSERIE CHICKEN. Yes, this is the most embarrassing cooking confession for me. ::hangs head in shame:: It honestly grosses me out a bit to pull the meat off a fully cooked rotisserie chicken. Why? Because he has a chicken shape still! This is also why my uncle carves the turkey on Thanksgiving. I mean, I can do it, but I really don't like to. 
 via runwaydaily.com

To be fully honest, its hard for me to stomach eating any type of protein when I think about how they are handled up until the time of their death. I believe I may have mentioned this before, but in my dream world, I'm quite the pretentious food snob. 

I have unlimited amounts of money. I have a fully running farm with humane living conditions for the animals who are also humanely slaughtered and cut into desires parts by someone with a stronger stomach than myself. There is an incredibly large vegetable garden with absolutely everything I'd ever need. There are also fresh herbs and a separate dairy facility. And we never purchase anything from the grocery store unless company is coming.

I hope you've enjoyed laughing at me this Saturday as you read my silly cooking confessions. But the real important question is, what are yours? :-)


2 comments:

  1. This is too funny! Love it! I have to admit, I'm right there with you on most of them! It took me years to even eat chicken again after my daughter was born because the thought of it while I was prego made me sick. Then for at least 5 years afterwards we just didn't eat it. It is starting to come back into our meal plans now.
    ~Amy

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    1. One of my biggest fears about ever getting pregnant is just how many foods I won't be able to handle. Then again, for all I know, I'll become the complete opposite and have no problems with any of it. :)

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